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January 31, 2012
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Yup! Another journal....

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 31, 2012, 10:39 AM
Gallery ~ Favourites ~ Watch me ~ Note me ~ Journal ~ Give Points

Well, I seem to be writing quite a few of these lately, don't I?
hhmmm....possibly because I don't have the usual outlets for venting my frustrations at the moment, so you lot have to suffer instead!! :evillaugh:

Blimey! It's snowing!! I can't believe it!!! I thought we'd got away with it this year!...but no...we haven't. Now some of you might not think it's such a big deal...Yes, I'm talking about you Canada, and Sweden!! But it still is pretty rare here, and our country just isn't set up for it. I don't want this to be a catalyst for someone to write about all the other things that England is crap at....you know who you are.
If it settles, there will be trouble ahead...

It's been very frustrating today, and the last few days really. My sarc has taken a turn for the worse (you may have noticed by my last journal :lol:) and breathing is becoming increasingly more difficult. I've been off work today...every breath I take in makes my lungs burn...I can almost feel every inch of them...such a bizarre feeling...
I know that I am also behaving more than a little erratic and emotional...yup, even more so than normal. I think it's a result of the feeling of uselessness I get when confronted by this stupid disease...I'm lashing out...and I'm sorry.
I am, by nature, a very very emotional person...I love freely and easily, but when hurt I will bite back, and be cruel....but then the remorse I feel for hurting someone I love tears me apart...I'm my own worst enemy.
So...if anyone feels that I've been short or uncaring...or just a right royal pain in the arse lately, then I apologise.
But...having said that, I'm not quite sure if I can change it, because it is me. :shrug:
I don't want to lose any friendships over it.
Right...I've said my bit. Ball's now in your court.

I just want this illness to go away, so I can become "me" again. I've lost myself.

  • Listening to: Blah blah blah
  • Reading: bugger all
  • Watching: errr...nothing
  • Playing: err...nothing again
  • Eating: Nothing...it's flavourless
  • Drinking: Tea...gone off coffee
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:iconblackfire-dragon:
Blackfire-Dragon Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
haha the contradiction! :XD:
love u in good and in bad, and i hope u get even better than u were before in no-time! ;)

it snows here too u know? :evileye: (like, once every decade or a bit more :XD:) but it rarely ever reaches the floor, so we dont get to make snowmen and stuff :P although in more southern parts of my country it DOES snow more regularly and ppl sometimes do get the chance to make them :D

:icondeathhugplz:
:blowkiss:
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:iconkeswickpinhead:
KeswickPinhead Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012   General Artist
Ditto Bugs sentiment. Glad we found you.:hug:
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
glad we found each other, Craig :hug:
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:iconkeswickpinhead:
KeswickPinhead Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012   General Artist
:huggle:
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:icona-kid-at-heart:
a-kid-at-heart Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
We just had another near 50 degree (that's 10C for you) day. I drove around today with the doors open and no coat!
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's FREEZING here!! I'm currently deep in a blanket with the heating on full blast!
Reply
:icona-kid-at-heart:
a-kid-at-heart Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I just heard on NPR that unusually cold air was moving through Europe, and something like 80 deaths (mostly homeless) have been attributed to it.
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm not surprised...it's cold...even in my house, unless the heating is on full blast!
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:iconann-mclaren:
Ann-McLaren Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
We shall suffer together. :tighthug:
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:highfive:
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:iconannaangelofdeath:
AnnaAngelOfDeath Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
It didn't snow in my part of England. I would have liked a day off school. :D I really hope you feel better so you can find and enjoy yourself soon :) :huggle:
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't think it's going to settle...the ground's too wet :)
Thank you :hug:
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:iconphoenixkeyblack:
phoenixkeyblack Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I won't pretend to know how your illness feels, but feeling useless ... That I can relate to.

I have difficulties with anxiety and depression, and I feel useless quite a lot of the time. The thing to remember is ... You have felt useless before and it always passes.

It may be difficult to do the things you are good at and enjoy at the moment (in your case I mean drawing ... obviously), but keep your pencil close by. If you feel better even for a few minutes, do what you love, everything else can wait ... :hug: :heart:
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Anxiety and depression are a part of this too....it sucks, doesn't it? :hug:

thanks for the advice :salute: I'll do my best...:)
Reply
:iconphoenixkeyblack:
phoenixkeyblack Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, when you're down nothing goes right ... :(

Keep your chin up, Jackie. :glomp:
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:hug:

thanks hun...you too! :D
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:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
The cold is good for Your lungs, take some (short)walks.
Drink some small amounts of strong booze....and dream of me...naked......:eyepopping:
You can skip the last part...lol.......Sorry...............
You won't lose anyone, well maybe a few....I think You know Your friends.......
They are as loyal as You are.... Most of them anyway.
I think I send You this song before....still, I'll send it again, just to annoy You..... :D
[link] It gives me courage.....anyway....
If You give up, I will kick Your enormous buttocks.............In a painful manner.....
That's a promise, my fluffy fat little bunny.........
Reply
:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
I so wish I could help You.
It must be horrible. But You can't give up.
I would be disappointed If You would.
How is Your family dealing with this now ?
You need some support. So, where are they ?
father,mother,sister, brother.....husband...........?
Maybe You need a third opinion. Or a fourth....
I hate to see You in pain.......I will not accept it.
I have been searching, and still am..... :D
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm not giving up!!...I'm just slowing down a bit...
My parents and my brother live away...I don't see them too often.
What are you searching for?
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:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
Cures and such, I mostly end up listening to the Cure....:(
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Cheerful stuff!! :D
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:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
I would try anything, having that shit.....
Sitting and feeling shitty will not help.
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sorry Herb, but the cold makes my lungs really hurt..I can't do that. :)
I'm thinking of taking up drinking though...:D
If I dreamt of you naked, I'd wake up laughing at least!! :lmao:

well, we'll see about that...:shrug:...I really can be a pain in the arse though...even YOU know that!

they're not enormous!!!...large, yes...enormous...not really...
Reply
:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
Drinking ,in a small way might help.
Why....., I look great naked, ever seen a chimp ?....naked....
I'm very hairy....
You'll be better, when You get better. I'll not give up on that, did You ? You just don't give up on that.
I really don't give a shit about Your ass.
I just like You as a person. Always have.....
It was a great object to play with though.
Maybe I stretched it a bit, Your buttocks, I mean.....sorry.....
I really can't be bothered about Your ass....
Many people love You,, and they won't leave You.\
Neither will I.
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's very nice, Herb. Thank you :hug:

(not the bit about the hairy chimp though :))
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:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
Evil bitch..... :D
No one loves hairy people.....:sniff: :crying:
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't mind hairy people at all...but you compared yourself to a chimp...that bit wasn't nice!
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:iconindigo46:
Indigo46 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
Sorry, just combing my legs now...... :eyepopping:
My back is always the hardest part. All that dandruff.....
That's why I use head and shoulders !!!!! :D:D:D
I'll always have to vacuum......All that hair...... :D
Thank God I have lots of weird beasties to eat the fleas.....:eyepopping:
Do You feel a strange itch.... ? I think you caught a flea.....lol
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:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You sound like a real catch!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconfractalholic:
Fractalholic Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
Hey!!! I found ya!!! buried in the snow here in Michigan!!! lol I know what ya mean! I've felt completely useless for 6 years now since the heart troubles took over!! When my eyes open in the morning I'm pissed and realize here we go again! BUT it led me to fractals and gives me an outlet so to speak to forget things and get lost for a time I'm the buried treasure found in the fractal formulas! I'd like to tell ya it gets better but that wouldn't be the truth!

I hope things get better for ya! Feeling useless and in constant pain is no way to live! I keep thinking that there's one really awesome fractal buried in those formulas and it's my job to find it before I leave this world! Seems to help me get through the day! I hope you can find something that can help you get too!!
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks Rick! You're a sweetheart :hug:

I'll keep looking for it :)
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:iconshotsfiredimagedown:
shotsfiredimagedown Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
well maybe so "jacks"... but we haven't lost
you...!!! get better kiddo...!!! pulling for ya...!!!
hugs...!!!
h/b
Reply
:iconjacksl:
jacksl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks Bugs...I can always rely on your support...you're the best :hug:
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